1. Why is there nutritional value for unpopped popcorn seeds on the back of the popcorn bag? Who is actually eating these kernels straight from the bag? And where do all of the calories and fat content disappear to once the kernels have been popped? One piece of popcorn has considerably less calories and fat than one individual kernel. This is very confusing to me. I need to consult a nutritionist.
2. There is nothing more disheartening than getting to the bottom of the peanut butter jar and realizing you can no longer easily dip your vegetables or crackers. No, now you have reached the point where you must jam your entire hand in there, inadvertently but inevitably covering your knuckles with chunky and/or smooth peanut butter. The whole ordeal is a sticky mess, and let's face it, always just a bit awkward. Well, I have an idea. Instead of fisting the peanut butter jar, why not have a plastic container that is constructed in two pieces? Once you are halfway done with the jar, you can twist off the top plastic portion of the jar, leaving yourself with a much smaller jar that the lid still twists onto. This will create a much more efficient and enjoyable peanut butter dipping experience. I would not pay more for this, but I DO know it would change my peanut butter world considerably. I need to consult a packaging engineer.
3. Whatever happened to hypercolor t-shirts? Where did they go? I want one. I want to wear a hypercolor t-shirt into a bar and see what would happen. I was too young to wear hypercolor to a bar when hypercolor was in. But now I am old and hypercolor has gone. I want it to make a come-back. I want to start the comeback. I am going to find a hypercolor shirt and wear it to a bar. Would it be a conversation starter? Would people try to do rude things? Would there be a fight? Would I win? Does Katherine gotta cut a bitch? THE WORLD MIGHT GO CRAZY! I need to consult a fashionista.
4. Man on train was taking up two seats. Watched as another passenger business man said "EXCUSE ME," and crawled over him, as the man taking up two seats refused to move.
Business man says, "Oh, I'm sorry, are you paying for both these seats?"
Two-seat-man says, "Ohhhhhhhh, fuuuckkkk you."
(Picture two-seat-man as a middle aged white balding guy with glasses and a winter hat, reading a stack of papers, and looking like he's probably an asshole Republican who likes to ride motorcycles in his spare time and spit in the street cuz he thinks it's cool.)
Business man goes, "You fool! Don't you know you're only supposed to take ONE SEAT?"
Two-seat-man turns up his music and ignores him.
The two men ride in disgruntled silence the rest of the way north.
I don't need to consult anyone on this. I just thought the whole exchange was very funny.
