Wednesday, August 1, 2012

The Dangerous "What If"

Sometimes we choose one path instead of another. Make strange choices. Do silly things. Take actions that seem right in the moment, but after the fact, lead us down a spiral of self-doubt and regret.


Which way???

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If I had said this, things would be different.


If I had done that, everything would have worked out.

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If I hadn't hurt my knee, I would have had a faster race time.

If I hadn't stolen that boyfriend, he never would have broken my heart.

If I'd gotten into UC London, I never would have ended up locked away in Scotland.

If I had taken my cell phone, they would have found us sooner.

If I'd waited longer to sleep with X, we would have dated.

If I hadn't admitted a crush on Y, we could have met up for a beer.

If only I'd made up with her in person before she died...

If I hadn't cheated on my 5th grade test, I never would have lived a life of crime.

If only I had lost ten more pounds...


If only I'd just memorized that entire side....

If only I hadn't bombed that audition....

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That rogue little "IF" is a dangerous idea to dance with.

Did we do the right thing, say the right thing, make the right decision?

The truth is, we agonize over what we've done and what we've said when the outcome is not what we expected. When we cannot find an answer to explain what has happened, we play the "What If" game. And it is only after our brains have gone through the limitless possibilities that we are able to rest. Our minds are wired to see a better outcome, and because we are all masochistic to a degree, we almost enjoy pressing repeat on scenario after more attractive scenario. We all do this. All of us.

And we only do this when things go wrong. You will rarely see someone who has had a successful outcome mull over his decisions and say, "Why did I do that!"



If Zack asks Kelly out and Kelly says yes, you won't see Zack moping about saying, "I never shoulda let Kelly know I liked her."


Now if Slater asks Kelly out and she says no, it is likely that Slater will be wondering if the outcome would have been different had he done something differently.


But who is to say that the other side of the "IF" wasn't right?


Perhaps it was meant to be.


Perhaps it's not necessarily that Slater should have never asked Kelly out in the first place-- it's not even that he should have asked her out in a less macho way-- it is more likely that Slater's attempts failed not because of something he did, but rather, because it was Zack who was always meant to be with Kelly.

The magical "if" does not exist.

It is something we create to alleviate wonder and prolong obsession.

The "if"game is something we play to distract us from life.

Because the other side of "if" IS life.

And who is to say that these bobbles, these outcomes, these events weren't always meant to happen?



Who is to say that life has not conspired to take us down the path we're currently traveling.

Sure, it is satisfying/torturous to romanticize about the way things could have gone, but the truth is, that's not life. That's daydreaming.


If you look at life from a fatalist point of view, you could have done this or that, but you were really only turning a page in a story that has already been written.


We're just filling in the details however we like.


And,  yes, perhaps we could have said or done things differently, but what if the major points in our lives have already been designed for us and whatever actions we take are the right course of actions because it takes us closer to that next designated point?

What if life throws us this wrench and that wrench at us and puts this roadblock up and knocks us down a few times because those events are crucial in getting us to the next part of our journey?

What if the world is truly knocking us down so that we will find ourselves ready for the good stuff.

So this is what I choose to believe.

And when I find myself playing the "IF" game, I will now say, "Well, then what?"

And then "So what."

The other side of "If" is what's real. It is our fiber, our choices, our mistakes, our paths. And we are meant to be walking these roads.

When things don't go my way, I will no longer wonder "What if..."

I will now say, "What's next."

Because it's coming.

And it's going to be good.

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