Count not thy Chickens

I currently cannot decide if I am incredibly jaded or incredibly wise.

I am caught in thought.

Is it better to be excited until you have a reason NOT to be, or to remain unexcited until you have a reason TO be?

Years of experience have taught me the latter. Does this make me bitter or smart? Cautious or closed off?

I have recently made more of an attempt in my personal and professional life to remain neutral. I have come to embrace the notion that it is not the outcome of an event that steals our inner peace, it is the attachment to certain outcomes that is the culprit.

By attaching ourselves to outcomes that don't occur, we have created a fantasy that is difficult and sometimes painful with which to part.  But had we not attached ourselves to the idea of something before it happened, perhaps then we would not have experienced such letdowns.

Looking back on many past events, it was the attachment to the outcomes that took my peace, not necessarily that the desired outcomes didn't occur.

I, at one point, had the frame of mind that it was silly to only be pleasantly surprised when things did go our way. That cutting off our minds and hearts from the daydream of possibilities was a horrible waste of our souls. Now, a few years later, I look at that former thought as a bit naive and a tad too optimistic. Even though I practice optimism as often as I can, I don't always think it is the course of action.

Because I have seen all too many people have their hearts stomped upon when a relationship didn't take off, when they didn't get that job, and when they didn't get that big part. I've experienced these things firsthand, as well. And just like I have trained myself to go to an audition and give it my all but then walk away and forget about it (because that is the only way us artists can possibly go about our lives and not let the sting of rejection poison our bodies) I feel as though I have trained myself in a similar way to subdue expectation and anticipation in other parts of my life, as well. It is a defense mechanism, of course. So I can protect myself until I have reason to let excitement permeate my soul.

But it is a defense that I don't think is altogether ridiculous.

There's that old saying "Do not count your chickens before they're hatched." That saying has been around for hundreds of years for a reason.

Counte not thy Chickens that vnhatched be,
Waye wordes as winde, till thou finde certaintee.

Thomas Howell, 1570

And I sincerely don't know if this means I have simply grown wiser, or if I used to be eternally hopeful, or if now I am just a jaded old woman.

Perhaps now I just have a more adult way of blending together both sentiments.

Hope and disconnect.

Two totally different frames of mind.

But perhaps they CAN co-exist peacefully?

Because it is not that I have abandoned hope or expectation altogether.

I have just learned to take things day by day. And I don't think that's necessarily wrong.

 

 To see my more optimistic thoughts on this matter from May, 2010 check out
 Great Expectations.